Intentionality...

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Let's not even talk about my goals for February, mmmk!  Obviously, they didn't happen.  I'm ok with that because that's the type of person I am.  I am not a dweller.  I am not a worrier.  Sometimes this is bad...  like when you are struggling with your weight. 

I love food.  Absolutely love food.  But I don't really love the stuff that's good for you.  I love chocolate, sweets, pastries, and cheesy goodness.  This is fine in moderation.  And over the last year or two I had worked really hard on moderation.  But here I am, back at square one.  Binging on these - oh, so delicious- foods.  Gaining weight.  I feel like I am spiraling out of control.  I won't even be craving the food and I will automatically go to the cupboard for something chocolaty and that's starts the cycle...

So, now it's March 1st.  I know everyday is a new beginning but there is something more definite about a beginning of a month or a beginning of a week for me.  I've been thinking a lot about my horrible eating habits, exercising, and just being healthy in general.  I tried to think back to where I was down almost 60 lbs. from my starting weight (let's not talk about where I am now).  What was I eating?  What was my exercise routine?  How did I get started to begin with?  'Cause lets be honest, I feel like I have undone all the hard work I had accomplished.  I know that isn't 100% true, but there is some truth to it. 

Here is what I came up with.  I was 100% committed.  I whole heartedly wanted to lose weight. Now, I know we all think I want to lose weight, but if you aren't willing to do something about it, then you are not ready.  It is hard work, it is tears, it is sweat, it is salad...lots of salad, and very little desserts.  It isn't easy but I remember what I felt like this summer and it is totally WORTH IT. 

I feel like crap right now and I don't want to feel that way.  So, for March my goal is to live with intention.  Is it SMART (specific, measurable, attainable, realistic, trackable)?  Not really.  But I think it is life changing.  All of my choices have consequences.  Good and bad.  I decide what my mood is going to be like.  I decide how busy my social life is.  I decide if I am going to leave that paper until last minute. 

Intentionality.  It isn't going to be easy but the ride is going to be worth it.  So worth it. 

P.S.  I intentionally made myself some breakfast this morning =) 

Day 1: Check

In Case You Were Wondering...

• My race is in 5 days...Holy Crap!  5 DAYS!

• I ran 7 miles the other night in 1:26:47.  I only stopped at stop lights and didn't walk at all.  If my race could be like this, I would be a happy girl.

• I think I'm going to love fall running. 

• School starts back up again on Wednesday.  I'm pretty sure I'm already behind.  They should have never given me a 2 1/2 week break because all I did was hone my lazy skills.

• It's getting darker earlier...I hate that.

• I REALLY need to pick a topic for my Thesis or what I shall refer to as my 682 project.  The first part of it is due on Thursday.  Details...

• I'm broke.  Like, hard core broke.  Haven't been this poor since my undergrad...maybe not even then because I had a job, le sigh. 

• I miss my friends.

In a Funk...

Is this not the coolest thing you have ever seen?  I pretty much love it and may try to reproduce it while doodling in class...with no success, I'm sure!  

Anyway,  I don't have anything exciting to share.  In fact this post is going to be quite the opposite.  So, 4th of July weekend, right?!  I should be totally stoked I get an extra day off school and blah, blah, blah.  That is exactly how I feel is BLAH! 

Friday I went to Bunker Beach with Britt.  Nothing like laying in the sun for four or so hours.  Normally I would be ecstatic about this.  I'll admit I was pretty excited and I did get a nice burn/tan but I was just kind of out of it.  Did absolutely nothing Friday night on my long list of  "to dos". 

Saturday.  I was supposed to work out cause I skipped on Friday cause I'm LAZY!  But I was in a major funk.  I was in one of those moods where in high school I would have asked my friends if you could be depressed if I knew I was depressed.  I really don't think I'm depressed, maybe just down.  Anyway, woke up at 8:00 a.m. and did absolutely nothing until noon.  Decided that maybe if I showered there would be life in me and I could be a normal human.  Eh, it kind of worked.  I left the house cause I figured it couldn't hurt.  But what do you do when you have no one to hang out with in the area.  You go shopping.  Hello retail therapy.  I did purchase 6 tank tops for around $12.  I'm awesome I know, but even that didn't make me feel better.  Got home and then mom wanted to go shopping.  At that point I had decided I was going to the gym but she was excited so I nixed the gym...once again...and went shopping with her.  Still felt lame.  Watched TV that night and went to bed. 

Today.  Feeling a little better.  Went to church.  Bought some groceries.  Worked on a paper.  Made some brownies.  Worked on a paper some more.  Watched a little TV with mom.  Need to run today!!!! 

So, here is what I would like to complete before the end of Monday:

Clean my bathroom.  I share with my bro and it is so disgusting I can barely stand it.  I NEVER let my bathroom get this bad...usually I am anal!

I would really like to finish both of my papers but realistically if I could finish the history paper and start the research paper my life would be so much nicer this week.

Laundry.  I don't have any clean shorts.  Or pants for that matter.  Hmm, come to think of it I need to do this tonight so I have some clothes to wear tomorrow!

Pick up my room.  This usually happens when I do laundry.  But I have a half unpacked bag sitting in the middle of my room from my trip last weekend and beach towels from my Friday's excursion laying on the floor.  Driving me nuts.  It's a miracle I have been able to get any paper writing done. 

This is probably the most important.  I need an attitude adjustment.  I've been positive self-talking myself up the wazoo with little results.  Sometimes I just think we need to go to that dark place so we can appreciate the happy times...right?! 

I have been scheduling my work outs and then coming up with every excuse under the sun not to do them.  It's pathetic.  I know better and my body deserves better.  Now if only I could get my body and mind in sync and I'd be in business.  Oh, my trainer is not going to be happy with me! 

So, yeah, this is what is on my mind.  A lot of nothing and a lot of everything.  Encouraging words and motivation are welcomed!!!

XOXO,

    

         NMO

In case you were wondering...

I have a new found love for PB&J sandwiches.  These days I'm either having one for lunch or one for supper.  Absolutely De-lish-ous!

I started running again.  It's amazing how fast you can get out of a habit but it still feels real good =)  By the way, I love these shoes...Mizuno Wave Creation...look 'em up!  I just did and I found out they have a boat load of new colors at Finish Line!  Super expensive but totally worth it!

Still not sleeping.  I am kind of turning into one of those morning people except I'm not cheerful.  That was your warning...

I have finished my paper.  Well, it is completed enough that I'm going to hand it in.  We had a saying in high school when we were taking chem:  Sometimes you just have to let go and say screw it!

I'm pretty sure I might celebrate with a cupcake ;)

Don't worry my whining will not stop.  We have a lab today to run our statistics...whatever that means.  I do know it means there is another paper next week. 

I have used two full ink cartridges and almost a whole pack of paper since I started grad school.  Don't worry I am doing my part to kill the trees and make our world a better place for our children!  Ha!  I just wish the teachers would make copies for us since they have big, fast, efficient machines...but I guess when you are in grad school teachers don't do that.  Lame. 

I was reminded last night that everything happens for a reason.  And boy, oh boy, am I glad that the Lord has plans for me that I don't know about cause I really can make a mess of things. 

Ok, I am off to plasma to help save a life ;)  You're welcome.

XOXO,
     NMO

Lists...

Ok, ladies and gents.  It is your lucky day.  I am going to provide for you a one of a kind, oh so random, blog post for your reading pleasure.  Please! Please! Hold the applause =)

• School is kicking my butt.  Not even lying.  This is not me pretending like it is really hard...it IS really hard.  My history course, piece of cake.  No worries there.  My research class...well lets just say that I hope the teacher really likes me or that I am able to refund my money when I don't pass.  There is an assignment due every class period.  We only meet twice a week but my other class meets twice a week also...anyway what I'm trying to say is all I do these days is eat, sleep (kinda), and do homework.  Ok. I'm done whining for now. 

2)  Sleep (kinda).  Do you know what this means?  Nope I'm not losing sleep over school work.  I don't roll that way.  I would say it has been about 3 weeks since I have had a decent nights sleep.  I go to bed and it never fails, I wake up at 4:30 or 5:00 a.m.!  Wide awake!  I can usually fall back asleep but it is not REM sleep.  What is wrong with me?  I thought it was these new vitamins I started taking but I stopped taking them and nothing has changed.  This girl can not survive on 4-5 hours of sleep a night.  I need at least 9 to function!  Hehehe...ok I'd take a solid 7.  So, the trainer had all these great ideas for me to try...so far none of them have worked.  Her latest idea is for me to take 3 whole days off!  Yuppers!  Sounds really awesome, right?!  I'm not gonna lie it is going to be nice to have a break.

C)  BUT...I can't believe I'm saying this...but I'm really going to miss running those days.  I hit 5 miles last night.  Granted it was a walk/run since it was in zones 1 and 2 but still!  5 MILES!  Wooohooo!   Lately I have been feeling pretty fantastic during my runs.  When I first started not sleeping I had some really tough ones and may have tweaked the plan in my favor.  Now that I've been feeling good during the runs I hate to break the streak...but what coach says goes.  Maybe I'll do homework instead!  (puke)

• Ok,  I have some really really exciting news to share.  Last weekend I bought myself two pairs of new jeans.  I got really sick of my cousin telling me that my jeans were too big and pulling them up all the time.  Anyway that is not the exciting part.  The exciting part is I bought a pair of size 8 jeans!!!!  Holy Toledo batman!  Granted they are from the GAP and we all know the GAP runs a little big. But, I. DON'T. CARE.  Size eight...I about crapped my pants.  I never dreamed I would wear a single digit size and medium for tops. MEDIUM...I don't even know what that means but I'm ok with it and am totally going to go with it.  So, what does this girl do?  Well, she celebrates with a cupcake, of course!  MMmmm I love me some cupcakes!

5)  In case you were wondering...I am doing laundry.  I hate laundry but I like having the clothes I wanna wear clean.  So it goes...well, I'm pretty sure I have nothing else to say of any importance.  Not that the previous statements were important at all.  Let's be honest I only have one follower!  Hi, Jenn!  I miss you and am totally excited to see you at 20s/30s!  That is if I haven't jabbed my eyes out by then with a pen =)

XOXO,
     NMO

Living Life...

 Say hello to my sweaty shirt!  Yuck!  Lucky you guys, you get to see a nice sweaty pic of me after my long run today.  45 minute run.  4.01 miles.  11:25 pace.  I was on the treadmill and boy oh boy was I trying to trick myself mentally into thinking running was fun.  Let's be honest.  Running isn't fun.  I was also wishing I was outside tonight because I kept getting loogies (is that how you spell it?) and I couldn't just spit them out.  It was a tough run.  But you know what...the bad runs are what make the good runs good.  So I guess I'm gonna stop complaining and move on =) besides tomorrow is Yoga day.  I like Yoga days...they are easy!

 In other news, I was taking the turkey out of the oven on Easter Day and burned myself.  I was far too lazy to let my arm sit under the water for 20 minutes so of course it proceeded to blister.  Which I accidentally popped drying off after a shower. *sigh*  This is why it is just soo much easier to have people cook for me instead.  I don't have the best track records with burns...

Now for the fun stuff!  On Friday I am making the trek to good ol' Valentine, NE.  A flock of my near and dear friends live there.  We are going to an exhibit called Lipstick and Line Drives on Saturday.  It's about women's baseball and I am pumped!  It will be nice to get away.  But right now my bed is calling my name.  Good night all. 

XOXO,
      NMO

Easter Run!

                                                                        Dude, I am white!

Spring is here! (Kind of) I have been trying to work up the courage to go for an outdoor run. You see when I run on the treadmill…it keeps going. Therefore, my legs have to keep going. We had a spell of nice weather and I had thought to myself that next weekend I would go for a run outside. Then it decided to rain, snow, and get really cold again for two weeks. That was all I needed to keep me indoors.



Well, today was absolutely beautiful out! I had eaten way too much Easter food and was definitely due for a run. So I worked up my courage again and enlisted some support, my little bro. Lately he has been on a “health” kick. I guess I am rubbing off on him. Ha! I didn’t have a clue of how far any sort of “route” was around my house but knew I wanted to run for about 35 minutes in zone 3 which I figured would be around 3 miles since I didn’t know if I would be able to keep a pace.


We ended up running a loop 3 times. After the second loop Adam asked how many more we were going to do ‘cause he could run faster. I told him to go for it and I would eventually make it home. Well, he pulled ahead of me for about 5 minutes and then all of a sudden I was ahead of him. I thought maybe he was trying to be nice, but later found out that all of a sudden he had gotten really tired. So we finished lap 3 and headed home. We ended 2 minutes shy of 35 minutes but I figured it wasn’t bad for guesstimating time and distance.


Being the curious girl that I am =) we went back over the route in the car. Adam was pretty excited since he just got his permit. I let him drive and only held my breath three times! We are going to work on slowing down before turns and turning into our own lane…


Anywho, the route was about 2.8 miles, probably a tad more. I felt good during the whole run even though I was pretty sure I was running as slow as a snail. I could have done another mile easy but anything beyond that would have been pushing it I think! So, my calculations lead me to believe I was running around a 11:20 min mile. That makes me a very happy girl =) Now if only the weather will stay!!


I hope you all had a blessed Easter. Alleluia! He is risen!!!


XOXO,
     NMO



Ramblings...

Where have I been?  I really don't know to tell you the truth.  I have a very not-so-much-exciting life.  The days have been mundane and I have really been lacking motivation to do pretty much anything.  My room is...absolutely disgusting and the bathroom is getting there.  Once again I am deeming tomorrow as "Clean Every Surface Day".  I should really throw in "Organize" too.  But lets be honest, I don't want to get over zealous. 

My workouts have been going well.  It makes me happy that I am a little sore the day after even though I am doing the same weight lifting routines every other week.  My runs have been good.  I never thought I would say this...but running is actually quite addicting.  Do I have to talk myself into doing it still?  Yes!  Do I think about how much work it is as I do it?  Of course!  But here is the kicker... Do I feel amazing/accomplished afterwards?  That's a heck yes!   That feeling keeps me coming back for more. 

Back in the day when I used to make fun of people who ran for fun, it really hurt me to run.  Seriously, my lungs burned, my legs became tired after two seconds, and I thought my heart was going to pump right out of my chest.  That doesn't happen anymore.  Well, most of the time it doesn't.  On Monday, during my sprint workout, I was almost positive that I was either going to A) throw up or B) pass out.  Guess what?  I am just melodramatic.  I didn't do either.  I kicked that run in the butt finishing it...looking like I was going to die...but finishing none the less.  My heart is getting stronger and I am getting stronger and it definitely shows in my runs. 

Nutrition wise...I have blown it, yet again.  I don't know what it is about sweets and treats but they have me under their spells.  It is a good thing I am burning some major calories at the gym or I would have gained 10 lbs. by now.  But on the flipside I think about the results I could be seeing if I was eating properly and working out like a mad women.  Can we say weight loss?!  *Sigh*  They say knowledge is power.  Now if I was only smart enough or had the self control to follow through on this!  

Sorry, this post has become extremely long.  Excuse my ramblings...this is what happens when you don't blog for a few days.  You'll have a great night.

XoXo,
     NMO

Comments and Confessions...

• I ate very, very, very poorly yesterday and today!  But it was, Oh!, soo delicious!  MMMmmm {that was for Megan  if she is reading this =) }
• I did not get my Saturday run in...if I miss it Saturday I run it Sunday...didn't happen.
• I completed 8 sprints at 8.5 for 45 secs. on the treadmill today.  45 secs. at 3.0 in between.  It felt good...really good!  
• Went to a Pampered Chef Party where old co-workers told me I "looked great" and was "wasting away!"  I need to hang out with them more often!  I purchased a garlic press!!! {Megan will also appreciate this!}
• Tomorrow is an abs day.  I am gonna rock them again this week because apparently my core strength sucks!
• Arts Camp was this weekend.  I wish I had at least an ounce of the energy these kids have.  But am glad I am not that annoying anymore.  I am not...right guys?!!!
• My room is messy.  Like messy to the point where it is bugging the crap out of me.  I have it penciled in on my "To-Do" list for Wednesday along with cleaning every other surface in this house!  
• One of my all time favorite passages: "In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps."  Proverbs 16:9

Good Night All!  Hope your weekend was lovely!

XoXo,
     NMO

Today I...



Today I got up at 6:15 a.m.!  Hold your applause ladies and gentleman!  It of course was not by choice, my chauffuer duties were needed =)

I was very sad when I realized I bought the (Lemon Scent) Bathroom Spray Dow =(  Seriously, gross!  But the bathrooms are clean!

I missed yoga so I had an active recovery run (whatever that means) instead.  It felt real good. Then proceeded to stretch my body out...I have had this tightness in my left buttock that I have not been able to stretch out.  Annoying! 

I did laundry which means my room got a little bit cleaner too.

I completed the FAFSA...yup I'm poor. 

And today was weigh in day.  I was up 2 lbs.  Not too worried about it.  I decided to take measurements in hopes for a non-scale victory (NSV) and was down an inch on my waist and hips!  Hooray!  I will admit I had a couple of binges this week.  The cookies and trail mix were calling my name!  Self control went out the door...but thats how the journey works.  Something about chocolate and sugar...they have been calling my name. 

Tomorrow is a new day and my dear friend Jenn is coming to visit.  I can't wait!!!

Life Changing

The day started off just like any other day.  I slept later than I had planned to.  Went to the gym for some lifting and sprints. Got gas in the car. Came home and checked the mail.  I slipped the little key into the box to open the door to find one measly piece of mail.  Well, wouldn't you know, that one piece of mail was what I had been waiting for. 

You see, about two months ago I submitted a couple of applications for the Masters of Social Work program to the University of Minnesota and St. Catherines.  The U of M has done all of their correspondence via e-mail but St. Kates has been very prompt via snail mail.  And me, well, I have been patiently waiting to here yea or neigh ( is that how you spell that?) from either.  Anywho, I have tentatively planned in my head different things I could possibly do this summer and fall depending on which school I was accepted to...if any.  The program at St. Kates starts this summer and the program at the U of M starts in the fall. 

So back to this afternoon.  I reached into the mailbox and there was a letter from St. Kates....and it was a big envelope!!!  I remember from the undergrad applications that a big envelope meant good news...who knew if the same rang true for grad school?!  

Well, after careful review of my application, they are excited to welcome me to the Master of Social Work program at St. Catherine University and the University of St. Thomas for the 2011-2012 academic year!!!!  I have been accepted as a degree-seeking student in the Advanced-1 year option of the program. 

Now here is the kicker.  According to the U of M, I will not find out if I have been accepted to their program until mid to late March.  Well, I have to put a $100 deposit down by the 16th and have an orientation scheduled for the 19th of March for St. Kates.  Lame.  Seriously, don't you think they could coordinate a little better considering the schools are probably 15-20 minutes from each other and save everyone a little money!

To be perfectly honest I do not know which school I would prefer to go to.  They each have their pros and cons...and who knows maybe I won't get accepted to the U of M.  So for right now I am just going to be excited that I have been accepted to a program and start thinking about how to become a student again...EEeek!

 Big Envelope.



Big Smile.

Please disregard the disaster I call my room.  Some things never change!

XoXo,

     NMO