One thing...

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Day #2 is in full effect and so far so good.  I had to talk myself into getting on the treadmill.  I just kept thinking about how I would feel if I didn't and that gave me just enough motivation to do it.  I have been very intentional with my food choices.  I am writing it down.  It's back to the basics for this girl.  It is unbelievable how much mindless eating I was doing before.  Hopefully another couple of clean eating days and the sugar cravings will go away! 

Baby steps. { I will do one thing today.  Thing: write down what I eat.  }

I was clicking through the archives last night and a few of my posts had pictures.  I was pretty much amazed at how thin/lean I looked.  It goes to show that we are our worst critic.  My personal opinion is since I was such a large girl for so long, I will probably always have some body dysmorphia.  Now to get back to where I was this summer so I can fit into my summer wardrobe!

In other news, I started the Hunger Games last night at about 11:30.  I figured I'd read for a half hour to make me sleepy.  Well, about 4 1/2 hours later I went to bed!  Good book.  I'm excited to read the next couple in the series.  There has been a lot of hype about this series; I'm interested to see if the rest of the books are as good as the first.  Not bad for young adult fiction. 

I'm off to shower and write a object relation theory paper which isn't really a paper.  Its a weird assignment and am hoping that my BS will suffice =)  Happy Friday!



Intentionality...

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Let's not even talk about my goals for February, mmmk!  Obviously, they didn't happen.  I'm ok with that because that's the type of person I am.  I am not a dweller.  I am not a worrier.  Sometimes this is bad...  like when you are struggling with your weight. 

I love food.  Absolutely love food.  But I don't really love the stuff that's good for you.  I love chocolate, sweets, pastries, and cheesy goodness.  This is fine in moderation.  And over the last year or two I had worked really hard on moderation.  But here I am, back at square one.  Binging on these - oh, so delicious- foods.  Gaining weight.  I feel like I am spiraling out of control.  I won't even be craving the food and I will automatically go to the cupboard for something chocolaty and that's starts the cycle...

So, now it's March 1st.  I know everyday is a new beginning but there is something more definite about a beginning of a month or a beginning of a week for me.  I've been thinking a lot about my horrible eating habits, exercising, and just being healthy in general.  I tried to think back to where I was down almost 60 lbs. from my starting weight (let's not talk about where I am now).  What was I eating?  What was my exercise routine?  How did I get started to begin with?  'Cause lets be honest, I feel like I have undone all the hard work I had accomplished.  I know that isn't 100% true, but there is some truth to it. 

Here is what I came up with.  I was 100% committed.  I whole heartedly wanted to lose weight. Now, I know we all think I want to lose weight, but if you aren't willing to do something about it, then you are not ready.  It is hard work, it is tears, it is sweat, it is salad...lots of salad, and very little desserts.  It isn't easy but I remember what I felt like this summer and it is totally WORTH IT. 

I feel like crap right now and I don't want to feel that way.  So, for March my goal is to live with intention.  Is it SMART (specific, measurable, attainable, realistic, trackable)?  Not really.  But I think it is life changing.  All of my choices have consequences.  Good and bad.  I decide what my mood is going to be like.  I decide how busy my social life is.  I decide if I am going to leave that paper until last minute. 

Intentionality.  It isn't going to be easy but the ride is going to be worth it.  So worth it. 

P.S.  I intentionally made myself some breakfast this morning =) 

Day 1: Check

Military Spouses...

To all you military spouses out there or to those of you who may know some military spouses, please consider taking this survey or passing it along. 

As I have mentioned previously, I have to complete a clinical research project for my masters degree.  My project title is "What do Military Spouses of Current Military Members Identify as Risk and Protective Factors for Suicidal Ideation?"

Here is a little blurb, it also contains the link to the survey.  Thanks for all your help in advance =)


Dear Potential Participant,

Thank you so much for your interest in my research study. I am a graduate student in the School of Social Work at St. Catherine University/University of St. Thomas. I am writing a clinical research paper on the topic of risk and protective factors for suicidal ideation identified by spouses of c...urrent service members. I will be surveying spouses, both male and female, of current service members ages 18 years and older. I will be asking what spouses of current service memebers consider risk and protective factors for suicidal ideation for themselves and other military spouses.

The survey is completely voluntary. Participating will provide you with a chance to share your opinion of what risk and protective factors are for suicidal ideation. Before participating you will view a consent form that you would need to agree to if you decide to participate in my study. You can view the consent form by entering this link: http://stthomassocialwork.qualtrics.com/SE/?SID=SV_cBnmJYIK4O82jPu into your web browswer or by clicking on it. The consent form goes into more detail about what I am asking of you as a participant. Please review the form and contact me with any questions at 763-227-8035 or Oman0827@stthomas.edu. If you do not have any questions and would like to participate, please continue on to the survey. By continuing on to the survey you are giving consent to participate in the study.




Sincerely,






Nicole Oman
Oman0827@stthomas.edu
763-227-8035






Research Advisor:
Kari L. Fletcher, ABD, LICSW, MSW
651-962-5807
flet1660@stthomas.edu

Holy Shit...

Pardon my French!

So, if you know me in real life, you are probably lucky enough to have heard me bitch about my 682 project (I'll stop with the language now).  And if you don't know me, I'm more than welcome to share =)  Anywho, so in order for me to start collecting data for my clinical research project, I had to get approval through the IRB (institutional review board) to make sure my study wasn't going to harm anyone.  My research advisor (read biggest, stupidest, meanest person in the world) had to approve the application before I could even send it.  

There are different levels of reviews.  Full board is the highest, a group of IRB staff actually get together physically to review your project because it has the highest risk of causing harm.  The next level is expedited which means your proposal is sent to two or three others electronically to review. And so on and so forth...there are four levels total.  Anyway, all along my research advisor has been like "Oh, you are going to be  full board, you need to get this, this, and this in place, and they still probably aren't going to approve it."  This ended up in me changing my project a little bit...but I informed her that I was stubborn and refused to change some things even if this meant that the IRB made me change them later. 

Fast forward to my IRB application submission.  I submitted it as a full board review.  The next day I get an e-mail stating that after the initial review, my project was not full board but expedited.  Awesome!  And booyah psycho research advisor!   So I changed it to expedited and waited patiently.  The turn around time on the applications has been around two to three weeks so I wasn't expecting to hear back from them for another week or two and then I knew I would still need to make the suggested changes they request before I get approval. 

Well, you can imagine my surprise when I just checked my e-mail and there was a message stating that my project was approved.  I didn't really fully understand and figured that meant I needed to log into their website to see their suggested changes.  So I did...nothing.  I could find absolutely nothing except a letter stating that I could begin my research!  And that's where the "holy shit" comes in!  It was my first thought...and honestly I am still thinking it. 

My research advisor has done nothing but rip apart my work and tell me that what I wanted to do wouldn't fly.  I haven't felt supported at all and have been questioning my ability and skill and wondering how I ever made it into the program.  This just reaffirms all my negative thoughts about my research advisor and gives me a major boost in my confidence.  She may have the final say on my pass/fail grade but there is no way she can fail me with the work I have put into the project and frankly I don't think I'm going to be jumping to make all of her suggested changes anymore...not that I jumped to begin with, I did them begrudgingly. 

So today I am a happy girl.  Now to get my survey created in Qualtrics and sent out to the world!

P.S.  I'm doing research on what military spouses of current service members consider to be risk and protective factors for suicidal ideation and when I have a link to the survey I will post it so if you or your friends meet the criteria to take it you can do so and share it with others!!!

XOXO,
     NMO

The Honest Truth...

Life is hard.  Eating healthy is hard.  Exercising consistently is hard.  We all know what we need to do but for some reason, what we NEED to do, is so HARD to do. 

 I haven't posted since my run recap.  My drop off the face of the blog world wasn't intentional.  Life got busy.  The beginning of September (it may have been the end of August) I started my second semester of graduate school.  This included an extra 20 hrs. a week of internship on top of the five classes I was taking.  I slowly watched my attendance at the gym decrease but I tried to continue my healthier eating habits.  Before I knew it, it was the end of November and the jeans I had purchased this summer were getting tight.  Fast forward to now.  There is one pair I can't even wear anymore!   

I attribute this to lack of exercise and stress eating.  I was only running on average about 4 times a month.  Yikes!  I went from working out 6 days a week to 4 times a month...not good.  And on top of that, the busier life/school got, the more I stuffed my face.  I'm not talking about stuffing my face with carrots and salad.  Instead I was craving and eating chocolate like it was going out of style!  

 I'm not going to lie...I was/am miserable.  There are some days where I just don't want to get out of bed; I'm so lethargic!  Part of this is just pure laziness and the other part is the big clinical research paper we have to write.  The chair of my paper <------read research advisor, is a pain in my ass!  Pardon my French.  She is in the process of writing her dissertation, has never chaired before, and therefore is projecting her issues and perfectionism on me.  The problem is that I have her for two classes both of which are two semester classes and you are not allowed to change teachers for the second semester.  So, I couldn't or rather chose not to have some confrontational discussions with her.

Where I am now.  I am so unhappy with myself and my choices.  That is what it boils down to.  There is no reason for me to scapegoat someone else or to blame my unhappiness on school. Obviously there are external influences on my mood and decisions but ultimately I chose the path I am taking and I choose whether or not I am going to be happy. 

With that being said I have a few goals for the month of February. 

• Drink 64 oz. of water every day.  No pop. (I got in the habit of having about one or two a month during my evening class for the caffeine)

• Only one treat a day.  This is to help work on my chocolate addiction.  That one treat can be whatever I want, as big as I want but only one a day.  (I have been eating mini candy bars, cookies, ice cream...you name it, I probably ate it.  Unfortunately now I crave some chocolate or sugar after every single meal!) 

• At least 20 minutes of exercise at least 3 times per week.  In my head this seems like nothing compared to what I had been doing this summer but if I'm consistent it will also be way more than what I have been doing in the last couple of months.  I've also come to the conclusion that if I am using this 20 minutes on the treadmill, my running speed should increase.  When I was more focused on longer runs I had to slow my pace down so I could last longer.  (I do want to run a half marathon this year...but I will focus on that after graduation!)

• Stay organized and on top of school work.  The more organized I am the more time I will have to eat healthy and exercise.  Also it will cut down on some of the stress in life and hopefully help with the stress eating. 

So, why am I doing this... besides the whole unhappy thing.  Well, this summer around the beginning of June I hit the lowest weight I can ever remember being.  I weighed 163 lbs.  I plateaued comfortably at about 168 lbs. for the rest of the summer and beginning of the semester.  I was pretty dang happy with my body and had high hopes of losing "the last ten pounds".   Unfortunately, those ten pounds went the other direction.  I currently weight 178 lbs.  When losing ten pounds it doesn't seem like that big of a deal but let me tell ya, I can tell a huge difference gaining ten pounds. 

This summer we went wedding dress shopping for my cousin.  I tried on a twelve in a bridesmaid dress and had about 3 inches that it would need to be taken in on top.  The ten wouldn't quite zip.  Last week we went back and I tried on the same dress.  The twelve barely zipped =( and I would probably be more comfortable in a fourteen.  So...its time to order dresses.  I really don't want to order a fourteen but what if I don't lose weight?!  What's a girl to do?

Both size 12...I weigh about 10 lbs more on the right!

Sorry, this became very long winded.  But I think it helps getting it on paper...or out in the open, however you want to think about it =) 

XOXO,

      NMO