The Honest Truth...

Life is hard.  Eating healthy is hard.  Exercising consistently is hard.  We all know what we need to do but for some reason, what we NEED to do, is so HARD to do. 

 I haven't posted since my run recap.  My drop off the face of the blog world wasn't intentional.  Life got busy.  The beginning of September (it may have been the end of August) I started my second semester of graduate school.  This included an extra 20 hrs. a week of internship on top of the five classes I was taking.  I slowly watched my attendance at the gym decrease but I tried to continue my healthier eating habits.  Before I knew it, it was the end of November and the jeans I had purchased this summer were getting tight.  Fast forward to now.  There is one pair I can't even wear anymore!   

I attribute this to lack of exercise and stress eating.  I was only running on average about 4 times a month.  Yikes!  I went from working out 6 days a week to 4 times a month...not good.  And on top of that, the busier life/school got, the more I stuffed my face.  I'm not talking about stuffing my face with carrots and salad.  Instead I was craving and eating chocolate like it was going out of style!  

 I'm not going to lie...I was/am miserable.  There are some days where I just don't want to get out of bed; I'm so lethargic!  Part of this is just pure laziness and the other part is the big clinical research paper we have to write.  The chair of my paper <------read research advisor, is a pain in my ass!  Pardon my French.  She is in the process of writing her dissertation, has never chaired before, and therefore is projecting her issues and perfectionism on me.  The problem is that I have her for two classes both of which are two semester classes and you are not allowed to change teachers for the second semester.  So, I couldn't or rather chose not to have some confrontational discussions with her.

Where I am now.  I am so unhappy with myself and my choices.  That is what it boils down to.  There is no reason for me to scapegoat someone else or to blame my unhappiness on school. Obviously there are external influences on my mood and decisions but ultimately I chose the path I am taking and I choose whether or not I am going to be happy. 

With that being said I have a few goals for the month of February. 

• Drink 64 oz. of water every day.  No pop. (I got in the habit of having about one or two a month during my evening class for the caffeine)

• Only one treat a day.  This is to help work on my chocolate addiction.  That one treat can be whatever I want, as big as I want but only one a day.  (I have been eating mini candy bars, cookies, ice cream...you name it, I probably ate it.  Unfortunately now I crave some chocolate or sugar after every single meal!) 

• At least 20 minutes of exercise at least 3 times per week.  In my head this seems like nothing compared to what I had been doing this summer but if I'm consistent it will also be way more than what I have been doing in the last couple of months.  I've also come to the conclusion that if I am using this 20 minutes on the treadmill, my running speed should increase.  When I was more focused on longer runs I had to slow my pace down so I could last longer.  (I do want to run a half marathon this year...but I will focus on that after graduation!)

• Stay organized and on top of school work.  The more organized I am the more time I will have to eat healthy and exercise.  Also it will cut down on some of the stress in life and hopefully help with the stress eating. 

So, why am I doing this... besides the whole unhappy thing.  Well, this summer around the beginning of June I hit the lowest weight I can ever remember being.  I weighed 163 lbs.  I plateaued comfortably at about 168 lbs. for the rest of the summer and beginning of the semester.  I was pretty dang happy with my body and had high hopes of losing "the last ten pounds".   Unfortunately, those ten pounds went the other direction.  I currently weight 178 lbs.  When losing ten pounds it doesn't seem like that big of a deal but let me tell ya, I can tell a huge difference gaining ten pounds. 

This summer we went wedding dress shopping for my cousin.  I tried on a twelve in a bridesmaid dress and had about 3 inches that it would need to be taken in on top.  The ten wouldn't quite zip.  Last week we went back and I tried on the same dress.  The twelve barely zipped =( and I would probably be more comfortable in a fourteen.  So...its time to order dresses.  I really don't want to order a fourteen but what if I don't lose weight?!  What's a girl to do?

Both size 12...I weigh about 10 lbs more on the right!

Sorry, this became very long winded.  But I think it helps getting it on paper...or out in the open, however you want to think about it =) 

XOXO,

      NMO