One thing...

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Day #2 is in full effect and so far so good.  I had to talk myself into getting on the treadmill.  I just kept thinking about how I would feel if I didn't and that gave me just enough motivation to do it.  I have been very intentional with my food choices.  I am writing it down.  It's back to the basics for this girl.  It is unbelievable how much mindless eating I was doing before.  Hopefully another couple of clean eating days and the sugar cravings will go away! 

Baby steps. { I will do one thing today.  Thing: write down what I eat.  }

I was clicking through the archives last night and a few of my posts had pictures.  I was pretty much amazed at how thin/lean I looked.  It goes to show that we are our worst critic.  My personal opinion is since I was such a large girl for so long, I will probably always have some body dysmorphia.  Now to get back to where I was this summer so I can fit into my summer wardrobe!

In other news, I started the Hunger Games last night at about 11:30.  I figured I'd read for a half hour to make me sleepy.  Well, about 4 1/2 hours later I went to bed!  Good book.  I'm excited to read the next couple in the series.  There has been a lot of hype about this series; I'm interested to see if the rest of the books are as good as the first.  Not bad for young adult fiction. 

I'm off to shower and write a object relation theory paper which isn't really a paper.  Its a weird assignment and am hoping that my BS will suffice =)  Happy Friday!



Intentionality...

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Let's not even talk about my goals for February, mmmk!  Obviously, they didn't happen.  I'm ok with that because that's the type of person I am.  I am not a dweller.  I am not a worrier.  Sometimes this is bad...  like when you are struggling with your weight. 

I love food.  Absolutely love food.  But I don't really love the stuff that's good for you.  I love chocolate, sweets, pastries, and cheesy goodness.  This is fine in moderation.  And over the last year or two I had worked really hard on moderation.  But here I am, back at square one.  Binging on these - oh, so delicious- foods.  Gaining weight.  I feel like I am spiraling out of control.  I won't even be craving the food and I will automatically go to the cupboard for something chocolaty and that's starts the cycle...

So, now it's March 1st.  I know everyday is a new beginning but there is something more definite about a beginning of a month or a beginning of a week for me.  I've been thinking a lot about my horrible eating habits, exercising, and just being healthy in general.  I tried to think back to where I was down almost 60 lbs. from my starting weight (let's not talk about where I am now).  What was I eating?  What was my exercise routine?  How did I get started to begin with?  'Cause lets be honest, I feel like I have undone all the hard work I had accomplished.  I know that isn't 100% true, but there is some truth to it. 

Here is what I came up with.  I was 100% committed.  I whole heartedly wanted to lose weight. Now, I know we all think I want to lose weight, but if you aren't willing to do something about it, then you are not ready.  It is hard work, it is tears, it is sweat, it is salad...lots of salad, and very little desserts.  It isn't easy but I remember what I felt like this summer and it is totally WORTH IT. 

I feel like crap right now and I don't want to feel that way.  So, for March my goal is to live with intention.  Is it SMART (specific, measurable, attainable, realistic, trackable)?  Not really.  But I think it is life changing.  All of my choices have consequences.  Good and bad.  I decide what my mood is going to be like.  I decide how busy my social life is.  I decide if I am going to leave that paper until last minute. 

Intentionality.  It isn't going to be easy but the ride is going to be worth it.  So worth it. 

P.S.  I intentionally made myself some breakfast this morning =) 

Day 1: Check

Military Spouses...

To all you military spouses out there or to those of you who may know some military spouses, please consider taking this survey or passing it along. 

As I have mentioned previously, I have to complete a clinical research project for my masters degree.  My project title is "What do Military Spouses of Current Military Members Identify as Risk and Protective Factors for Suicidal Ideation?"

Here is a little blurb, it also contains the link to the survey.  Thanks for all your help in advance =)


Dear Potential Participant,

Thank you so much for your interest in my research study. I am a graduate student in the School of Social Work at St. Catherine University/University of St. Thomas. I am writing a clinical research paper on the topic of risk and protective factors for suicidal ideation identified by spouses of c...urrent service members. I will be surveying spouses, both male and female, of current service members ages 18 years and older. I will be asking what spouses of current service memebers consider risk and protective factors for suicidal ideation for themselves and other military spouses.

The survey is completely voluntary. Participating will provide you with a chance to share your opinion of what risk and protective factors are for suicidal ideation. Before participating you will view a consent form that you would need to agree to if you decide to participate in my study. You can view the consent form by entering this link: http://stthomassocialwork.qualtrics.com/SE/?SID=SV_cBnmJYIK4O82jPu into your web browswer or by clicking on it. The consent form goes into more detail about what I am asking of you as a participant. Please review the form and contact me with any questions at 763-227-8035 or Oman0827@stthomas.edu. If you do not have any questions and would like to participate, please continue on to the survey. By continuing on to the survey you are giving consent to participate in the study.




Sincerely,






Nicole Oman
Oman0827@stthomas.edu
763-227-8035






Research Advisor:
Kari L. Fletcher, ABD, LICSW, MSW
651-962-5807
flet1660@stthomas.edu

Holy Shit...

Pardon my French!

So, if you know me in real life, you are probably lucky enough to have heard me bitch about my 682 project (I'll stop with the language now).  And if you don't know me, I'm more than welcome to share =)  Anywho, so in order for me to start collecting data for my clinical research project, I had to get approval through the IRB (institutional review board) to make sure my study wasn't going to harm anyone.  My research advisor (read biggest, stupidest, meanest person in the world) had to approve the application before I could even send it.  

There are different levels of reviews.  Full board is the highest, a group of IRB staff actually get together physically to review your project because it has the highest risk of causing harm.  The next level is expedited which means your proposal is sent to two or three others electronically to review. And so on and so forth...there are four levels total.  Anyway, all along my research advisor has been like "Oh, you are going to be  full board, you need to get this, this, and this in place, and they still probably aren't going to approve it."  This ended up in me changing my project a little bit...but I informed her that I was stubborn and refused to change some things even if this meant that the IRB made me change them later. 

Fast forward to my IRB application submission.  I submitted it as a full board review.  The next day I get an e-mail stating that after the initial review, my project was not full board but expedited.  Awesome!  And booyah psycho research advisor!   So I changed it to expedited and waited patiently.  The turn around time on the applications has been around two to three weeks so I wasn't expecting to hear back from them for another week or two and then I knew I would still need to make the suggested changes they request before I get approval. 

Well, you can imagine my surprise when I just checked my e-mail and there was a message stating that my project was approved.  I didn't really fully understand and figured that meant I needed to log into their website to see their suggested changes.  So I did...nothing.  I could find absolutely nothing except a letter stating that I could begin my research!  And that's where the "holy shit" comes in!  It was my first thought...and honestly I am still thinking it. 

My research advisor has done nothing but rip apart my work and tell me that what I wanted to do wouldn't fly.  I haven't felt supported at all and have been questioning my ability and skill and wondering how I ever made it into the program.  This just reaffirms all my negative thoughts about my research advisor and gives me a major boost in my confidence.  She may have the final say on my pass/fail grade but there is no way she can fail me with the work I have put into the project and frankly I don't think I'm going to be jumping to make all of her suggested changes anymore...not that I jumped to begin with, I did them begrudgingly. 

So today I am a happy girl.  Now to get my survey created in Qualtrics and sent out to the world!

P.S.  I'm doing research on what military spouses of current service members consider to be risk and protective factors for suicidal ideation and when I have a link to the survey I will post it so if you or your friends meet the criteria to take it you can do so and share it with others!!!

XOXO,
     NMO

The Honest Truth...

Life is hard.  Eating healthy is hard.  Exercising consistently is hard.  We all know what we need to do but for some reason, what we NEED to do, is so HARD to do. 

 I haven't posted since my run recap.  My drop off the face of the blog world wasn't intentional.  Life got busy.  The beginning of September (it may have been the end of August) I started my second semester of graduate school.  This included an extra 20 hrs. a week of internship on top of the five classes I was taking.  I slowly watched my attendance at the gym decrease but I tried to continue my healthier eating habits.  Before I knew it, it was the end of November and the jeans I had purchased this summer were getting tight.  Fast forward to now.  There is one pair I can't even wear anymore!   

I attribute this to lack of exercise and stress eating.  I was only running on average about 4 times a month.  Yikes!  I went from working out 6 days a week to 4 times a month...not good.  And on top of that, the busier life/school got, the more I stuffed my face.  I'm not talking about stuffing my face with carrots and salad.  Instead I was craving and eating chocolate like it was going out of style!  

 I'm not going to lie...I was/am miserable.  There are some days where I just don't want to get out of bed; I'm so lethargic!  Part of this is just pure laziness and the other part is the big clinical research paper we have to write.  The chair of my paper <------read research advisor, is a pain in my ass!  Pardon my French.  She is in the process of writing her dissertation, has never chaired before, and therefore is projecting her issues and perfectionism on me.  The problem is that I have her for two classes both of which are two semester classes and you are not allowed to change teachers for the second semester.  So, I couldn't or rather chose not to have some confrontational discussions with her.

Where I am now.  I am so unhappy with myself and my choices.  That is what it boils down to.  There is no reason for me to scapegoat someone else or to blame my unhappiness on school. Obviously there are external influences on my mood and decisions but ultimately I chose the path I am taking and I choose whether or not I am going to be happy. 

With that being said I have a few goals for the month of February. 

• Drink 64 oz. of water every day.  No pop. (I got in the habit of having about one or two a month during my evening class for the caffeine)

• Only one treat a day.  This is to help work on my chocolate addiction.  That one treat can be whatever I want, as big as I want but only one a day.  (I have been eating mini candy bars, cookies, ice cream...you name it, I probably ate it.  Unfortunately now I crave some chocolate or sugar after every single meal!) 

• At least 20 minutes of exercise at least 3 times per week.  In my head this seems like nothing compared to what I had been doing this summer but if I'm consistent it will also be way more than what I have been doing in the last couple of months.  I've also come to the conclusion that if I am using this 20 minutes on the treadmill, my running speed should increase.  When I was more focused on longer runs I had to slow my pace down so I could last longer.  (I do want to run a half marathon this year...but I will focus on that after graduation!)

• Stay organized and on top of school work.  The more organized I am the more time I will have to eat healthy and exercise.  Also it will cut down on some of the stress in life and hopefully help with the stress eating. 

So, why am I doing this... besides the whole unhappy thing.  Well, this summer around the beginning of June I hit the lowest weight I can ever remember being.  I weighed 163 lbs.  I plateaued comfortably at about 168 lbs. for the rest of the summer and beginning of the semester.  I was pretty dang happy with my body and had high hopes of losing "the last ten pounds".   Unfortunately, those ten pounds went the other direction.  I currently weight 178 lbs.  When losing ten pounds it doesn't seem like that big of a deal but let me tell ya, I can tell a huge difference gaining ten pounds. 

This summer we went wedding dress shopping for my cousin.  I tried on a twelve in a bridesmaid dress and had about 3 inches that it would need to be taken in on top.  The ten wouldn't quite zip.  Last week we went back and I tried on the same dress.  The twelve barely zipped =( and I would probably be more comfortable in a fourteen.  So...its time to order dresses.  I really don't want to order a fourteen but what if I don't lose weight?!  What's a girl to do?

Both size 12...I weigh about 10 lbs more on the right!

Sorry, this became very long winded.  But I think it helps getting it on paper...or out in the open, however you want to think about it =) 

XOXO,

      NMO

Blessed...

I thought of many different titles for this post...but none of them seemed as fitting as "blessed" because that is exactly how I feel!

I am so unbelievably blessed to have some amazing friends.  Megan and Jenn got up before the butt crack before dawn to come and cheer me on at my race!

So many people left encouraging and supporting messages for me on facebook. 

And really, I am just so thankful that the Lord has given me the ability to run.  I am not fast.  I can't run amazingly long distances.  But I feel that I am using some of the talents that He gave me.  Whether it be solely for my own therapeutic purposes or in ways that I don't even know...I am his masterpiece =)

With that being said, let me tell you a little bit about the race.  This was the first race I have ever ran in my whole entire life.  I never even "ran" the mile in high school.  I walked it.  Every.  Single.  Time.  My thoughts regarding the race were this: 1) I just want to finish.  2) If nothing else the race was held on a cool date - 9/10/11. 

Amazingly enough, I wasn't that nervous leading up to the race.  About a half an hour before "take off" is when the nerves kicked in.  I remember looking at my watch and telling Megan and Jenn that my heart rate was 130 bpm and I hadn't even started running yet!  Here is a pre-race photo with my cheering section!

Funny story.  We were standing here chatting and a man came up to me and asked me if I knew where the 10K starting line was.  I, of course, said I had no idea!  He replied with...well, doesn't your shirt say "STAFF" on it?!  Um, yeah.  Maybe, a poor t-shirt choice but it's comfy and in my defense all the staff were wearing red t-shirts.  Well, Jenn and Meg took a liking to this man and took some very nice pics of him for me while I was running.  Enjoy.

Bahaha!  Creepy, right?!  He was skin and bones...probably weighed 85lbs. soaking wet!  But I have to give him props, he found the starting line and he runs faster than I do =)
So, the race began.  Everyone ran really fast.  I was definitely in the back of the pack.  We hit the mile 1 marker and my watch said 6:50.  Not going to lie, they probably needed to remeasure their distance because there is no way on God's green earth I ran a mile in under 7 minutes.  The mile markers were interesting...there would be a huge sign saying "Mile 3" and then 400 yards later there would be spray paint on the ground that said "Mile 3"!  What is a girl with out a garmin supposed to think?!

The path was well marked and the there were cops at intersections to direct traffic.  When the 10K and 5Kers split, I could see a girl in front of me and it was my goal to catch her.  I finally did.  She was doing the run for a certain amount of time and then walk for a certain amount of time method.  I gained some ground while she was walking...but then she would come zooming out of nowhere and run for awhile.  Eventually, she petered out and I didn't see her until after I had finished.  It was fun to run with her for awhile even if she wasn't that friendly.  I tried smiling at her and got nothing.  Sheesh!  I figure misery loves company...but apparently she didn't like my company. 

I felt pretty good until probably around mile 5.5.  Who really knows with their funky markers!  The last mile was a mental struggle.  At this point it was hot.  The sun had been shining down on me for most of the race.  I had hit up all the water stations but definitely think that if I race again I would consider carrying my own water bottle. 

This pic was the home stretch.  I definitely picked up speed once I could see the finish line.  I also took my ear buds out so I could hear the cheering.  It was pretty cool considering I was the only person about to finish.  I look like I'm sleeping and doing something crazy with my lips...that's determination, ladies and gentlemen, pure determination!

Stupid guy was standing in front of the clock!  My final time was 1:17:45.  Which is a 12:31 pace.  I was pretty happy with that.  My goal was 1:15:00, so I'll take it!  I think I could have done a little better if it had been cooler out. 

This is my "thumbs up, I didn't die picture".  Megan pointed out that I wasn't even out of breath...hmm maybe could have pushed harder?  I'll just go with, "I have a great recovery time". 

Final pic, I promise.  My cheering section.  They have starbucks...I have oranges and water.  A good morning had by all =) 

Will I race again?

I dunno.  I think it would be a lot more fun to run with people who run my pace.  The majority of the race I ran alone.  I was afraid I was going to get lost and it didn't really feel like a race running alone...just like any other morning run.  So, I either need to get some speed or find some people who run nice and slow like me!  My trainer seems to think I should train for a half marathon.  I think that sounds like A LOT of work. 

I do think I picked a good race for my first one.  It wasn't huge but it wasn't tiny either.  I'm not going to lie.  It was intimidating seeing people walk around that looked super fit.

The moral of the story is: I came, I saw, and I conquered.  That translates into: I started, finished, and wasn't dead last.  Second to last, thank you very much.  Oh, and I didn't walk at all.  So... hooray!  Ok, I am very impressed if you read all of this and am so very sorry that it became long winded.  I promise I'm done now =)

Jica...What?!?!

Dear Blog World,

For those of you who know me...which is probably all of you.  You know that I MAYBE eat 3 vegetables all together.  Well, I have been working with the trainer (envision her talking at me and me giving her a lot of eye rolls) on eating properly.  First of all, I just want to say eating healthy is not fun, it's expensive, and kind of time consuming.  One of her goals for me is to eat more vegetables, which means I have to TRY more vegetables.  BLECH! 

She insisted that I try a Jicama.  She said it's sweeter like an apple.  I don't know what kind of apple she is eating but I disagree.  Anyway, she said you just peel it, cut it up, and eat it.  And if I didn't like it I could dip it in peanut butter, hummus, or something like that.  So, I figured what do I have to lose?! 

Ok, so I finally worked up the courage to try it with moral support from a friend.  I started to peel it only to realize that our potato peeler sucked and that wasn't going to do the job.  So I got a paring knife.  Unfortunately, since I never cook I have no business using a paring knife and was almost certain I was going to cut off a finger trying to peel this baby.  Luckily, my friend was all over that.  The Jicama was peeled before I knew it and I was putting a piece of that potato looking veggie in my mouth. 

It really doesn't have that much flavor and was kind of boring to eat by itself.  So, I promptly got out the peanut butter which made everything better.  I'll chalk this one up as a win.  It didn't make me gag and it's supposedly good for me.  So I bought another one.  Any suggestions on what I should try next?

In Case You Were Wondering...

• My race is in 5 days...Holy Crap!  5 DAYS!

• I ran 7 miles the other night in 1:26:47.  I only stopped at stop lights and didn't walk at all.  If my race could be like this, I would be a happy girl.

• I think I'm going to love fall running. 

• School starts back up again on Wednesday.  I'm pretty sure I'm already behind.  They should have never given me a 2 1/2 week break because all I did was hone my lazy skills.

• It's getting darker earlier...I hate that.

• I REALLY need to pick a topic for my Thesis or what I shall refer to as my 682 project.  The first part of it is due on Thursday.  Details...

• I'm broke.  Like, hard core broke.  Haven't been this poor since my undergrad...maybe not even then because I had a job, le sigh. 

• I miss my friends.

Sprinting...

I have a love/hate relationship with sprints.  When running outside it is so much work to look at your watch to see if you can walk again...and 15 seconds goes way faster than you would ever imagine.  But the glorious thing about sprints is that it is a short workout.  15 minutes today and that included warm up and cool down.  It's pure torture...don't get me wrong...but supposedly it is supposed to make me faster. 

Anywho, this is a new tank top.  I broke down and bought some wick away material tanks because my skin is not loving this run in 80 degree heat in an old t-shirt with the sleeves rolled up stuff.  Now I need to buy a hand held water bottle.  I finally made myself run with water the other day.  It definitely helped the end of my run but took some getting used to.  I just held a 16.9 oz water bottle awkwardly throughout my run...but I think it would be more pleasant if I bought this one...which I may have my eye on. 

19 days!!!!!!!!!



Note to Self...

Food is fuel, not comfort. 

Boo-ya!

5.14 miles.  57:20.  Look out 10K I'm coming to get you!

I Almost Died This Week...

Ok, slight exaggeration...but it sure felt like it!  My gym was closed for cleaning this week...lame, trust me, I know!  We were eligible to go to other clubs but that would require more driving and I'm a semi-busy girl ;)  So, unfortunately not doing anything wasn't an option.  I really, really wish it had been but since my race is just a little over a month away (Eeek!) I came up with a plan.  It went a little like this:

Do every single run outside this month so you do not die on race day!

 Well, I am happy to report that I have logged 5 runs outside and about 17 miles...still here, still kickin it.  Let me tell you, I thought running was hard in general but running outside is a whole new ball game.  Here are some issues/barriers/challenges I met along the way:

1)  The ground is not flat.  Sidewalks disappear.
2)  The sun is hot and humidity is not my friend.
3)  Hated the wind at first since I was running against it...then realized it was really a blessing in disguise keeping me cool.
4)  People make cat calls and stare as you "run" by...YUCK!
5)  If someone wanted to abduct me it wouldn't be hard cause I'm already running as fast as I can!
6)  I hate running with stuff in my hands therefore I have not had water with me...I might have to suck it up and by one of those belt thingies.  I can make it about 45 minutes but anything beyond that I realized I NEED the water!
7)  There isn't a lovely display screen in front of me telling me how long I have been running for and what mile I'm on.  I do have my watch on but its hard work to lift that arm when all you're trying to do is put one foot in front of the other!
8)  Pacing...what's that?!
9)  Luckily I haven't had any bathroom issues yet...
10)  You get rained on.

So, yeah, I e-mailed my trainer to let her in on my plan and she acted all surprised that I hadn't been running outside.  Psh, AC, fans, water, mile counter, moving platform...why the heck would I run outside?!  She informed me that from now on rain, shine, or humidity, I would be doing my runs outside.  SUPER. 

Another thing I  have noticed is that running outside is brutal on my body.  My hips hurt...well, I just kind of hurt all over.  I started sleeping like crap again...trainer attributes this to the extra stress on my body.  I'm meeting with her on Monday, so we shall see if she cuts back on my mileage or is just going to torture me with no sleep.  Speaking of sleep...I'm going to bed.  Sorry for this really boring, pictureless post.

XOXO,
     NMO

2 miles...

Yesterday's training plan called for a 20 min. run in zone 3.  I was really excited cause twenty minutes is nothing these days.  I thought about running outside but opened the front door and couldn't breathe.  So to the treadmill I went.  It was the end of the week so none of my normal workout clothes were clean.  So I ended up wearing shorts that were too big for me and a yoga top...which usually I hate running in cause they ride up.  Thank you fat stomach.  Despite my horrible outfit choice...I had an absolutely amazing run. 

Before I started I had mentally told myself I was going to push myself.  Well, I started my 7 minute warm-up increased the speed to past what I normally do, maintained that for about 10 or so minutes.  Checked my heart rate.  Hmmm. Still not high enough.  Checked my heart rate strap, wiggled it around to make sure it was working properly.  Increased my speed.  I was already at about 20 minutes but I felt so awesome that I figured I might as well finish out the mile.  Increased my speed.  Not going to lie.  These two miles were probably the best run I have ever had.  I could have kept running but decided not to since I knew what I had waiting for me on Monday.  Thank God for good runs...they make all the bad runs totally worth it!  (and in ill fitting clothes, nonetheless!)

XOXO,

      NMO

Deck O' Death...

So, I met with my trainer yesterday for my monthly meeting.  I had e-mailed her before the meeting to warn her that she was probably going to be yelling at me but didn't elaborate why.  Got up at 7:15 ish to drag my arse there by 8:00 a.m.  The idea of working out at that point was not appealing.  At. all.   Of course, she asked me how things were going and why she was going to yell at me.  I just handed her my less than half filled out workout log.  Amazingly enough she didn't yell.  She did ask how I was sleeping, which I was very happy to report...much, much, better.  She was happy to hear that and figured I had probably been on my way to chronic fatigue syndrome...ok, I don't remember if that was the name of it but something like it.  Basically, she said it was probably good I backed off on my training and that if I had two nights in a row where I wasn't sleeping to let her know right away. 

So, anyway, we discussed how busy I have been with school and how it was easier to get my runs in cause I had a treadmill right at home and didn't have to take the time to drive to the gym as I would for lifting.  Her face lit up and she asked me if I had ever heard of the Deck of Death workout.  I gave her that look that said...do I really wanna hear about it?  She explained that she uses it when she travels.  And since I didn't need a new strength program (cause I only did last months once, GASP!) she said she would teach me that.  Note to self:  Never ever skip your regular strength work outs again!

Ok, here is a rundown on the rules.  Obviously there are different variations out there and you can pretty much do what you want.

Each suit stands for a specific body part, that way you get a full body work out.  Otherwise you can just designate the suits for two specific body parts if you are trying to focus on something.  You pick one exercise from each suit. Cards are face value and Jacks are 11, Queens are 12, Kings are 13, and Aces are 14.  You go through the whole deck or for an hour.  I had about 10 cards left yesterday...probably because I spent a lot of time whining to the trainer so I could rest a little...that and I had a 7 minute warm-up. 

Hearts: (arms) push-ups, walking push-ups, judo push-ups, row push-ups, wide push-ups, bench dips, bear crawl, crab walk, twist-up push-ups, diamond push-ups), dolphin push-ups


Spades: (legs) lunges, double lunges, squats, squat holds, wall sits, squat jumps (optional + 1 legged jumps for single digits), lunge jumps


Diamonds: (abs) sit-ups, triple sit-ups, v-ups, bicycles, butterfly kicks, jackknives, crunches, side crunches, rockies

Clubs: (cardio) sprints, burpees, squat jumps, jump rope, mountain climbers, high knees, sets of stairs

Not going to lie.  It kind of sounds easy but it is really, really, really hard!  This is what I felt like when I was done.

Not three hours after the workout I was already feeling sore.  And boy, oh boy, can I feel it today. 
 
XOXO,
      NMO
 
 
P.S.  She tried to get me to do Burpees yesterday and I flat out refused.  I'm kind of  a snot like that.  But I was already dying and I figured if I was going to continue to die I was going to do it with some other form of torture that I appreciate more! 

In a Funk...

Is this not the coolest thing you have ever seen?  I pretty much love it and may try to reproduce it while doodling in class...with no success, I'm sure!  

Anyway,  I don't have anything exciting to share.  In fact this post is going to be quite the opposite.  So, 4th of July weekend, right?!  I should be totally stoked I get an extra day off school and blah, blah, blah.  That is exactly how I feel is BLAH! 

Friday I went to Bunker Beach with Britt.  Nothing like laying in the sun for four or so hours.  Normally I would be ecstatic about this.  I'll admit I was pretty excited and I did get a nice burn/tan but I was just kind of out of it.  Did absolutely nothing Friday night on my long list of  "to dos". 

Saturday.  I was supposed to work out cause I skipped on Friday cause I'm LAZY!  But I was in a major funk.  I was in one of those moods where in high school I would have asked my friends if you could be depressed if I knew I was depressed.  I really don't think I'm depressed, maybe just down.  Anyway, woke up at 8:00 a.m. and did absolutely nothing until noon.  Decided that maybe if I showered there would be life in me and I could be a normal human.  Eh, it kind of worked.  I left the house cause I figured it couldn't hurt.  But what do you do when you have no one to hang out with in the area.  You go shopping.  Hello retail therapy.  I did purchase 6 tank tops for around $12.  I'm awesome I know, but even that didn't make me feel better.  Got home and then mom wanted to go shopping.  At that point I had decided I was going to the gym but she was excited so I nixed the gym...once again...and went shopping with her.  Still felt lame.  Watched TV that night and went to bed. 

Today.  Feeling a little better.  Went to church.  Bought some groceries.  Worked on a paper.  Made some brownies.  Worked on a paper some more.  Watched a little TV with mom.  Need to run today!!!! 

So, here is what I would like to complete before the end of Monday:

Clean my bathroom.  I share with my bro and it is so disgusting I can barely stand it.  I NEVER let my bathroom get this bad...usually I am anal!

I would really like to finish both of my papers but realistically if I could finish the history paper and start the research paper my life would be so much nicer this week.

Laundry.  I don't have any clean shorts.  Or pants for that matter.  Hmm, come to think of it I need to do this tonight so I have some clothes to wear tomorrow!

Pick up my room.  This usually happens when I do laundry.  But I have a half unpacked bag sitting in the middle of my room from my trip last weekend and beach towels from my Friday's excursion laying on the floor.  Driving me nuts.  It's a miracle I have been able to get any paper writing done. 

This is probably the most important.  I need an attitude adjustment.  I've been positive self-talking myself up the wazoo with little results.  Sometimes I just think we need to go to that dark place so we can appreciate the happy times...right?! 

I have been scheduling my work outs and then coming up with every excuse under the sun not to do them.  It's pathetic.  I know better and my body deserves better.  Now if only I could get my body and mind in sync and I'd be in business.  Oh, my trainer is not going to be happy with me! 

So, yeah, this is what is on my mind.  A lot of nothing and a lot of everything.  Encouraging words and motivation are welcomed!!!

XOXO,

    

         NMO

Celebrate...

This is my friend, Jenn.  You should be jealous of me because she is awesome.  I hit the jackpot in the friend department.  Anyway, today is her 26th birthday so I'm showing her a little love, you should too!! 

10 reasons why I love this girl!

1)  She is a gentle source of encouragement.
2)  She is the voice of reason...I need that a lot.
3)  I once threw a glass of water on her and she still talks to me.  (Long story but basically I'm a horrible friend).
4)  She's my mom.
5)  Someday she is going to raise my children. 
6)  She knows how everyone is related to everyone and probably the latest tidbit of gossip.
7)  When I lived with her she cooked for me!
8)  Her faith is inspiring.
9)  We can go months without talking and pick up right where we left off.
10)  She understands my sarcasm, knows my past, knows all my faults and loves me anyway!

Happy 26th Birthday Jenn!  Next time we are together I will make you cupcakes.  They will be delicious.  We will eat and we will laugh!  Thank you for being such a great friend!  Love you!

Losing Focus...

It is official.  A couple of months ago I signed up for my first race.  My goal is not to beat other people...my goal is to finish without dying.  I will be doing the 10k.  Right now my goal time is 1:20.  Which I think is doable.  I have never ran a race.  I hate running outside.  There are hills outside and I have to keep my legs going.  When I'm on the treadmill I usually run at an incline of 1 or 1.5 and IT keeps my legs going.  If I don't keep going I'm going to fall off.  Can't we just transfer that to outside...

Confession.  I have been a total slacker with my workouts.  I have been getting my runs in on Mon, Tues, and Wednesday but then doing absolutely nothing Thurs, Fri, Sat, and Sun!  Eek!   That's bad, very bad.  81 days until the race...but whose counting.  I met with my trainer the other day.  She set up a new strength plan for me.  I was getting so bored of the old one.  I am pretty sure I whined the whole session.  It is going to kick my butt.  Not even exaggerating.  Also, she is making me do a lot of weird things.  I already look like crap when I'm exercising but now you want me to slam a ball down that makes lots of noise and then bear crawl across the gym?!  Eye rolls were needed I swear...Note to trainer:  I am more apt to do everything you want me to if I don't look like a complete retard doing it.  

I need to get my butt in gear and my mind back in the game.  I have been using homework as an excuse.  Yeah, I have a lot of homework but I could manage my time better.  It pains me to say that.  I'm probably not accomplishing much anyway in the two hours I could be working out.  Seriously, the internet is the devil and provides all sorts of distractions.  So, wish me luck and please tell me to get my butt in gear...I respond well to mean comments and guilt!

XOXO,

     NMO

Organized...not so much!

Well, this is my last ditch effort of procrastination before I shower and start my paper that is due tomorrow.  This week has kind have been the week of hell.  Three papers and one presentation.  It wouldn't have been so bad if I would have completed a little more homework this weekend.  Instead I was chillin with my peeps at the 20's/30's retreat.  Totally worth the chaos this week though not gonna lie. 

With the increase work load...homework that is...I find myself putting off my runs or leaving them until last minute.  I am the queen of excuses, trust me!  I haven't been to the gym...since...I can't remember when!  Scary, very scary!  I got back from the retreat and stepped on the scale.  Eek!  I had gained 5lbs.!  No. Thank. You.  I think some of it was water weight cause I've lost a couple already but it is a nice little reminder of how easy it is to get out of the "good" habits and back into the old.  The scale definitely reflected that. 

I was hoping that this weekend could be used as catch up but it is getting filled quickly.  Thursday night after class I am visiting my dear friend Meg to catch up on SYTYCD.  Friday my mom, two aunts, and I are going wedding dress shopping with my cousin!  And out to lunch of course!  Saturday is a graduation party for my mom's cousin's son...whatever relationship that is to me?!  But I am required to attend.  So right now Sunday is looking like my day of grace.  I am really hoping to fit some S-U-N in there too.  I need to get organized so that next week I am not running around with my head cut off, that and I am going to V-Town for a tubing trip that weekend.  So, yeah!  Organization needs to become my friend stat! 

XOXO,
     NMO

In case you were wondering...

I have a new found love for PB&J sandwiches.  These days I'm either having one for lunch or one for supper.  Absolutely De-lish-ous!

I started running again.  It's amazing how fast you can get out of a habit but it still feels real good =)  By the way, I love these shoes...Mizuno Wave Creation...look 'em up!  I just did and I found out they have a boat load of new colors at Finish Line!  Super expensive but totally worth it!

Still not sleeping.  I am kind of turning into one of those morning people except I'm not cheerful.  That was your warning...

I have finished my paper.  Well, it is completed enough that I'm going to hand it in.  We had a saying in high school when we were taking chem:  Sometimes you just have to let go and say screw it!

I'm pretty sure I might celebrate with a cupcake ;)

Don't worry my whining will not stop.  We have a lab today to run our statistics...whatever that means.  I do know it means there is another paper next week. 

I have used two full ink cartridges and almost a whole pack of paper since I started grad school.  Don't worry I am doing my part to kill the trees and make our world a better place for our children!  Ha!  I just wish the teachers would make copies for us since they have big, fast, efficient machines...but I guess when you are in grad school teachers don't do that.  Lame. 

I was reminded last night that everything happens for a reason.  And boy, oh boy, am I glad that the Lord has plans for me that I don't know about cause I really can make a mess of things. 

Ok, I am off to plasma to help save a life ;)  You're welcome.

XOXO,
     NMO

Procrastination...

That is exactly what this post is...a form of procrastination.  Yup my friends.  It is a Saturday night, it's only 9:00 p.m. and I'm doing homework.  Wow!  I. Am. Lame.  In my defense, I do about a half an hours to hours worth of "working" and then I take about the same amount of time for a break.  I learned this trick in one of my psychology classes, once upon a time.  It is supposed to help promote memory and learning.  Although, I am quite certain "breaks" were supposed only supposed to be 10 -15 minutes. I often tweak things to work better for me =)

Today I went to my lil bros baseball tournament.  His team kind of played like crap but it was fun anyway.  Sun + Lawn chairs + Baseball + little children = A GOOD TIME

Uncle Adam

She only stayed in her stroller for about two seconds.  Where these kids get there energy...I'll never know?!

I really love this function of my camera.  Team pow-wow.  They were actually kicking some butt this game. 

And yes, this is what I need to go back to.  Doesn't that look like fun?  If you are at all curious what graduate students perceive the attitudes of the factors contributing to poverty are...I'm your girl.   Ok, lets be honest if you really wanna know I'll give you the number to one of my classmates because I'm flying by the seat of my pants here. 

Dear Research Proposal,  I do not understand you nor do I like you.  We have issues.  It's definitely not me...I'm pretty sure its you.  I hope your buddy, Mister Qualitative Research Project, is easier. Cause that would make me a very happy person.  Anyway, I will try and do my best by you.  Please help a sista out.  Sincerely,  Drowning in Research. 

Peace out world.  I hope your Saturday evenings are far more exciting than mine!

XOXO,
     NMO